The Sparrow is Back
This little sparrow keeps showing up. He comes unexpectedly, and he always brings a message. The first time he came was in Barbry Allen, in 2012. Then, he showed up again in the spring of 2013 when we were in the hospital struggling with Shane's diagnosis. Drawing and sketching are my way of working things out, Sometimes, when I let go and let the drawing or painting be what it wants to be, it brings a revelation. This sparrow always does, and it always brings peace.
The Sparrow came back the day of Shane's funeral. And this is where it gets powerful. I was taking the sketch and a portrait of Shane to Dan, the funeral director, so that he could set up for the service. As I opened the back door to load the artwork, a sparrow flew up out of the back seat, hovered in the air, looked me in the eye, and flew out the open window on the other side. From that moment, I was lifted up and filled with a peace that is beyond understanding. I didn't shed another tear that day. Over the next few days, I created a felted wool sculpture of the sparrow.
After about a year of feeling numb, I was really struggling with the pain of losing both grandmothers and consumed by grief. I didn't know how I'd pick up and go on. I found myself at my Grandma's grave, deep in prayer. It was January and patches of snow were on the ground. It started to get dark. I knew my kids needed dinner. I picked some moss and dried oak leaves off the ground and some orange birch leaves still hanging from a tree and headed home. Later that evening as I sat at the easel, I had an idea what I wanted to paint. But the birch leaves wanted to be in my painting, so I gave in and started with them. By the time they were done, thorns had decided they would be there too, and they would weave into a mass of celtic knotwork.. When that was done, the sparrow made his appearance, and again, there was peace. I started with an idea of what I wanted to paint, but the painting took on a life of its own and told me what it needed to be. This is the way that life works. We can let go of trying to understand, trying to work it out or control anything. We can trust that God will provide for our needs, and in His infinite wisdom, He has a plan that is greater than we could ever begin to understand.
Now, the Sparrow has appeared again. This time, I recognize him, and his message is familiar. It is a reminder as I grieve the third anniversary of Shane's death and leave the security of a teaching job to pursue the work that God intended for me. I will research and plan and I will work a grueling schedule to provide for my family, But in the end, I will simply trust that despite all my inadequacy and my shortcomings, that when I ask, God will provide for me and allow me to provide for my family as I do the work that I am called to do.
Temple
8/13/2017 02:03:20 pm
I have been there as you have loved, grieved, went out on a limb and trusted. Seeing it in print makes chill bumps appear. I can't even express what you and your art...and your example mean to me. Beautiful!
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Cristy Dunn
8/13/2017 06:44:04 pm
Temple, you truly have been there every step of the way. And you have been such a great friend through it all. The nests are about that. Someday I'll write about the nest.
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8/13/2017 03:26:26 pm
Cristy, I am humbled to be a small part of your incredible journey. I've watched you grow and evolve over the years. I've always felt you had a deep understanding of Spirit, and an unrelenting Faith. I believe that those of us who have had the greatest loss/trauma, have a slightly fractured soul for the purpose of being molded for great Compassion to share with this world. You are the evolution of spiritual growth that I aspire to be. Thank you for your love and insight to our little messengers. You are a magnificent example of Light.
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Cristy Dunn
8/13/2017 06:45:51 pm
Michelle, I can't begin to tell you how deeply I am touched by your words. I know beyond any doubt that this very special painting is going to the right person.
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